LaShara Lashawn

Do you ever wonder about how people see you? I know there are those who are allegedly super head strong and don’t care about what anyone thinks, and they just know they are that one. Id like to submit that a good portion of those people are not for real for a lack of better words. This thought doesn’t consume me, but it has been a thought. I think about it at work, when I am out, when meeting new people or when I want to be considered for an opportunity. I used to immediately evaluate my looks, there is no denying I have a mole the literal size of a chocolate chip on my face. I used to avoid the mirror so much that I would forget it was there until someone made a joke and then Id be upset. All those jokes certainly made me stronger but that shit hurt as a child growing up.

Yes, I know people actually want what I have, they draw them on, get piercings to mimic them, Id always think to myself when people would remind me as a kid that they don’t want it this size tho! With all the standards of beauty, options for surgeries and enhancements, things can get fuzzy, you really have to have a strong sense of self. It’s funny to me now because what put me back in front of the mirror was all the amazing compliments I would receive, like let me see what these folks are talking about.

Fun fact a reason why I would be single for so long or not get serious with someone was that I had a fear that if I brought a guy around, he might like someone else I knew or a friend of mine because I wasn’t pretty enough. Some say that was crazy, but I wasn’t affirmed a lot growing up, I had been back doored before and it took me a while to see my own beauty and appreciate my worth. Ask me what my response would be now? Ha

There was a prompt that asked, “How would people describe you?” I thought this was a good question, as I tried to answer it in my head. I was thinking of all the go-tos, I’m funny, laid back, driven etc. Then it dawned on me that it really depends on who is being asked this question about me. For the most part I would say that I am the same though my attitude and perspectives have changed therefore resulting in a pivot in how I am approaching my life journey.  

So how do people see me? I’m not always sure and I won’t always know to be honest. I can only hope that they see that I am a Black woman who loves God people and her family. I enjoy laughing hysterically until tears come out my eyes, I’m a leader, I enjoy working in my community, I will always use my voice, I can’t be silenced, I have a get it done attitude except around my laundry but I’m working on that.

Sometimes I do wish people took the time to really get to know me more because I’m often misunderstood, though I am the same all the time, sharing a space once or twice while in my work mode or entrepreneur mode isn’t all of who I am. It use to annoy me when people would call me goofy or a party girl or associate me with this India Irie, incense burning Sistah there is nothing wrong with that but I’m neither of those things exactly.

  It would make me feel like no one took me seriously, it didn’t help that I was often walking in the shadow of my family being a PK (preachers’ kid). I can go on about being a PK but one thing it did was make me less human and out of touch when that was the furthest thing from the truth. Iv always been very in tuned with what was going on around me and always looking to discover and learn. Being and problem solver and a avid learner has been my saving grace all of which have always led me back to my faith. 

There is almost nothing I can’t do or be willing to try. Ask about me.