LaShara Lashawn

“Its been a long time I shouldnt of left you..” said the poet Rakim. I miss blogging and writing about the things I like or whatever is on my mind. I think about logging in all the time and just letting my fingers go crazy. I’m learning to be more kind to myself. I have put some slightly high expectations on myself and realizing that I am not meeting my goal and making a pivot has been a game changer. With my recent promotion at work I noticed that I had taken on the habits of my peers and I had to realize that I am a peculiar person, I am different and I have my own flow that works to me.

So friends how are things? I am sure so much has been going on. I will go first, promise not to over load too too much. I just think that an update is needed. Is it me or when people ask me how I am doing my first thought goes to my feelings about work or is that what I think that’s what people care to hear about most?? Not sure.

I have been keeping busy, it’s the summer which means my juice business is picking up again so that is nice. I just enrolled in a membership with Planet Fitness and I really enjoy going to the gym and taking walks. I am not an ambassador but their app has some very helpful videos and information about working out. I wish I was spending more time with my family and traveling, but I do what I can. Iv made a few trips this year, going to Hawaii and Chicago within a week of each other in January. I’m taking steps to start doing things that I want to do for myself and I’m so excited, I planed my birthday trip to Hawaii and another one to Chicago. Talk about a weather change, I almost got stuck in Chicago due to a storm. I learned how to surf in 80 degree weather and build a quick snowball, can I add that to my resume?

Something I am proud of is my meditation time I spend with God. I recently joined a morning prayer call that starts at 6am. Every time I share this I feel old because prayer calls are something that my grandma used to join in on when I was younger. I am learning that grounding myself spiritually is essential. This is one of those things that I knew but it didn’t make sense until I started. I still journal, not everyday though. I had a conversation about journaling with a friend and I was sharing how it can be thought that journaling needs to be a every day thing. For some this may be law but I write and type a lot for work so sometimes I don’t really have much to say to myself. That is probably worth looking at. I know when I really need to journal when I find myself thinking about various topics over and over.

When I journal I am typically asking questions or sharing thoughts about a scripture I recently read. I talk about my thoughts about my dating life or conflicts and wins. Dating has been going good, I am being more intentional. I have met a really great person and I am experiencing how beneficial it is to have someone who is a believer and who can support you when things get tough. I will leave it at that for now. The job has been the job, I have encountered a rough spot with my team, I have been completely misunderstood and there hasn’t been any resolution yet. It is real unfortunate when leadership becomes paralyzed when conflict arises. The collateral damage can become unrepairable. Frankly I am tired of the ill treatment many black women face in the work place. The lack of real investment in making the work place safe and equitable for everyone to thrive is the least to be desired.

Iv been experiencing many side effects from this situation at work, rumination, anxiety even at the point when I get to the job site I have difficult time breathing and focusing, lack of sleep, loss of interest in activities, loss of appetite and a few more things. To help myself alleviate some of the weight I have called out of work and Iv been late more often. Being late isnt the right thing but when you aren’t getting good rest and fight with yourself about even going, being late is a win. I have been praying hard as well. I am still getting work done and meeting deadlines but the part of me that makes the role great is struggling. I recently got my appetite back but not quite. Took a week or so off from working out but I will be back.

I understand that I am really handling the situation with the most grace ever and I am so proud of myself. However I am not trying to tote this strong black woman flag in this way. I am hopeful for change but I am seeking out ways to invoke change so that what has happened to me doesn’t happen to others.

Friends its been tough, but God is good, he his sustaining me. I want to show up for myself more and be a better friend to myself. Speaking of friends, I am being more open to connecting yet struggling with how to hold people accountable. What is the struggle? It is the fear of telling the truth and being rejected. I guess I need to just understand that it is okay and that if they appreciate me and I deliver the message in love.

Welp there it is right there. I actually had a situation where I wanted to share my thoughts with a friend about somethings I had began to notice. I shared my concerns with a few others and they gave great suggestions but I ultimately trusted that God would provide the moment and he did. I was able to share my sentiments with her and she agreed and appreciated what I shared. The relief, the love, the strength of our relationship grew.

Friends some say we all have the same 24 hours but we don’t. Honestly we don’t even have a promised 24 hours. It is important to make an effort to improve, to forgive, to love and realize that this life is bigger than these jobs and material things. If you are thinking about journaling I will suggested a good place to start is the next time you go to sleep and open your eyes that means you completed 24 hours so write down some things you accomplished and what you are grateful for.

I have a few topics to share about so I will be back sooner than later. Check out my juice site if your in the bay area it makes me happy! Officiallytoojuiced.com

Please share your thoughts in the comments.