LaShara Lashawn

I haven’t always been super confident and comfortable with my body. We see it all the time, people make all types of changes to modify, correct & enhance their bodies so that they may feel better about themselves which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. As a child I have always been policed over my body and not so much told that I was pretty or beautiful which I know played an integral part in my overall self-love and confidence. Over the course of my life I have been figuring out what is beautiful about myself. A tall, thinner, younger me thought being called “thick” was the goal so I intentionally put on weight, then being called a “baddie” was in so I thought if I wore more revealing clothes then I could be seen as a baddie and then this term sexy started to loom in my heard and that just seemed too far fetched to even try to attain. I’d like to admit that social media did play apart in my perspective on beauty but that’s a blog for another day.

What is SEXY? I always thought sexy was for older women, it was high heels, revealing clothes, red lipstick, amazing hair, deep mesmerizing eyes and confidence through the roof. Sexy wasn’t me. I wouldn’t even by red panties (still haven’t), apparently that is a thing, black moms not allowing their girls to own red panties. There was this ProActive commercial that Sean Puffy Combs was in and I will never forget him saying how much he loved the product and it help him preserve his “sexy.” As an actual ProActive customer with annoying acne in middle school it made me think like yeah having pimples and acne isn’t cute and if I don’t want that then I have to start taking care of my skin so that it can preserve my sexy aka skin. Thinking back he may have meant it in another way but I was a still young so I didn’t get it. Sexy seems to be associated with slutty and if that’s what you think then I’d like to challenge that ideal.

Feeling sexy is more about how you feel about yourself then what you do in the bedroom. Sexy, in my opinion is next level confidence and it’s usually enhanced in some way. You can buy a new pair of heels to set off that Friday night date night outfit, getting your hair and make up done will certainly put a boost on an already beautiful person. It took for me trying to accept how I looked, admiring the things that made me different and unique that made me realize that maybe in fact I didn’t think I was pretty.

It wasn’t until I started to talk more kindly to myself, I started doing things that made me feel good about myself and took a good look in the mirror then I began to see what other people saw. I no longer respond with a shocked “fa real!!?????” when I am given a compliment. One thing that seem to seal the deal on my Sexy was when I was gifted lingerie. I had purchased a baby doll some years ago it was a little cheap something I picked up from Sears to wear on a trip with my then boyfriend. It was cute I guess, I didn’t feel confident in it, it itched and since I already didn’t feel attractive I barely looked at myself when I put it on. My ex said he liked it but I jumped in the bed so fast that thing was on and off in seconds. That was 5 years ago and I never attempted to purchase lingerie again.

I always enjoyed looking at the Victoria Secret catalogs, seeing all the women in their matching sets, thigh high and knee high tights with heels, silk baby dolls and robes, with their hair flowing and skin glowing. I lived for the VS fashion show, those women strutted down the run way with floss on in front of billions of people and happily. How could they do it? I didn’t see myself in none of that, I wasn’t older, I didn’t have a picture perfect house, I wasn’t rich, my hair was natural or in braids or not done, no one seemed to want to make passionate love to me which is what I thought is what happened if you were wearing that and I wasn’t white. Representation really matters.

I am aware that you don’t have to be or have any of those things to go and purchase some lingerie but in my head as a teen that’s what I believed you had to be to wear those types of things. I counted myself out so early, and as I got older I didn’t see the point. No man ever complained but there were some who would mention it as a way to spice things up. I asked one guy to purchase some for me and he never did so that was that.

Intimates as they are sometimes called are not cheap, especially if you want good quality and that was another thing, the cost. I’m supposed to spend hundreds of dollars on tulle and string for someone to just snatch it off? and the answer is YES YES you are and if he’s a good one he will buy you more and more. We buy cakes to smash in people’s faces so why not buy some cute string to smash your partners face in between somewhere. (That made me laugh :))

I celebrate my birthday for a month from the 14th to the 14th, which ends on Valentines Day, which was great. One gift was lingerie and I was so excited, it was from a newly launched bay area black owned business called Secrets and Confessions. S&C specializes in making the everyday women feel comfortable and sexy with great quality products ranging from lingerie, toys, oils, lashes and more at good prices. I hear they are dropping something BIG this summers it’s gone be that spla for sure. Remember I haven’t worn lingerie in a while so I felt that I had to really make a big deal about it. I lit some candles, played some music, did my make up and looked through my gift bag with the S&C logo across the front in metallic red, the packaging was nice and durable.

The first thing I tried on was the black entanglement tights, I needed to know if those where going to itch or not and I couldn’t wait until later when I really needed to wear them to figure it out. I paired those with a lace bra and sheer long sleeve dress, black on black. It was a hit, very sexy a look for the night and even on a special night. The panty hose fit well I feel, they weren’t too tight and I didn’t need to keep pulling them up an occasional twist but that’s to be expected. The material was thicker than your typical nylons so I believe it played a part in them not tearing or snagging. They made my legs look very sexy and mesmerizing I got a lot of compliments on them, your partner wont be able to keep their hands off you trust me. These do reveal a lot of buns so put your panty or thong on first then the tights if you want of course.

My favorite item was the all white Living Single sheer robe, which included tulle, lace, and silk elements not to mention the white lace thong to match. It was a breath of fresh air, it was light, breathable and comfortable to wear I walked around in that for a good while. I couldn’t get over how good it looked on my oiled up skin. I love sets, this set didn’t come with a bra but I mean who needs one! Wear the robe open or semi closed by tying the silk around it. My gift bag also had a amazing oil called off the market that I put in all the right places and I can not go without mentioning the champagne two piece short set which I felt was fitting since I had began to sip on some Moet. Those were just 3 of the items, there were shot glasses, sheer bras with fuzzy material, red fish nets and more! They have everything you need for an amazing time.

As I went though each piece I took some pictures, I looked at myself in the full length mirror admiring every curve, twerked a bit and told myself I looked damn good, couldn’t no one tell me that I wasn’t Her! I felt sexy like really really sexy. I was so happy with myself I didn’t care about about my body or the fact that my hair wasn’t styled how I would of liked because I loved what I saw, I loved how I felt and loved that I was taking the time to spend some time with myself. Yes, myself I was alone so I didn’t have an audience present or virtually.

This was a time that I hope to never forget and a time that I will re create again and again. I would like to thank Secrets and Confession’s for their amazing products because I certainly felt sexy and more confident. This has been a journey, but I’m glad that I arrived when I did. I just started embracing my sexy about a year a go and there is no turning back.

I am sexy and there is nothing wrong with it, I used to think that me wanting to feel sexy was wrong that it somehow went against some un spoke rule. I felt like a slave to living in the in between. Feel happy but not too happy, care free but not too free, cute but not too cute because no one likes a person who thinks or knows that they are cute, and attractive. Sexy? That’s not even an option, that is reserved for a special kind of women and that couldn’t be me, get your hair and nails done, a little make up but not too much because sexy is for those other women.

I believe that all these notions speak to the experience of black women in a western society. Being too sexy is dangerous, so dangerous that other people are not able to keep their un-solicited hands to themselves and somehow they will ask, “What was she wearing?” This brings me to the Netflix series She’s Gotta Have It by Spike Lee. The main character Nola was walking home from a friends one night and a man catcalled her and she declined. The man grabbed her wrist very aggressively, scared Nola yelled that he let her go and ran as he screamed obsinities at her in the distance. Nola was scared, hurt and traumatized. She used her art to speak out against the abuse of black women. Nola then did something to make herself feel good she bought a cute revealing dress that made her look amazing; it hugged all the right places. The dress was expensive but she had to have it and she wore it all day .Two of her lovers enjoyed the dress and one was very embarrassed by it in public as it was too sexy. The dress was a big F you to any person that felt that they could treat women anyway because of what she wore.

Feeling sexy is amazing it’s a confidence that comes from within it’s very euphoric. I would submit that once you discover you’re sexy, from then on out its like a big F you to anyone who has anything to say about you, what you do, what you wear, and what you say. I haven’t been the same since. As far as sexy being associated with slutty that’s a myth and I think Iv proven that. Once you find your sexy make sure that you preserve it.

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