LaShara Lashawn

Shit, what hasn’t happened yet and we are only 20+ days into the new year. I have a laundry list of what has went wrong but whats most important is that I am still here and that I am still in my right mind. I’m blessed and very greatful. I would go into my new year resolutions and all of that but I am always learning and what I learned mid year was that everyone does not need my opinion all of the time, stress less and the other day I was reminded that I can’t do what everyone wants me to and that I can only do what I can do. I think if i hold on to those I will be alright. I recently celebrated a big birthday and it by far was thee most saddest day I have had in a long time. I was confined to my bed all day only to be pulled out by a gift of Hamilton tickets and then forced to tears as I accepted that I might have to go alone. I mean I did go with someone in the last hour and it was a very stress free night so that was a good thing. Iv experienced some real tough moments and I have made it through them all so that alone makes me hold up my head a little higher.

Moving forward in life is important to me I really am trying to work through some strained relationships that contribute to my anxiety, I often feel like giving up and just backing away and I dont want to do that. This past year I went through some big changes and it was very tough however it was the best time of my life in a sense. I made the mistake of when going through tough times and feeling over whelmed I closed myself off to people who cared about me. By doing this I made people feel abandon and excluded. Im just greatful that they are still apart of my life and that I didn’t run them off. I want to ginuenly feel how happy with myself and where I am at. No longer comparing myself, judging myself, speaking negativly to myself becasue it isn’t healthy nor productive. I am now starting to see, and I may have said this before that I now am starting to see my potential and being more comfortable openly acknowledging my great talents. I want to start creating and putting things together for the community and my black creatives. I support people and I want the best for them but I need to start putting more legs to the things that are dear to me. I would love to spill the beans out on what I want to do but I cant just yet. 🙂 Just know it is coming soon!!

It is my biggest goal to go back to therapy and continue my education, there are a few programs I am interested in as well. My creative works are really growing and I want to make more time for them and let them grow and work for me. With that said some of my creative works will be available for sale on this site. I just want what is mine and Im here to collect. Broadcasting, journalism, art, curating, social work, happiness, peace, joy, and anything else I learn to do, I want it. There is no better time than now to make something happen, I used to think about my age and how I was too old or that it was too late or that I didn’t have the time and now I see that I was stuck and full of fear. It was important for me to go through all that I had because it has molded me into something only God could create. It does me no good to cry about what happened and question all that has happened when I will never be given an answer that would make me more accepting of what I went through. I keep saying that I don’t want to deal with these past traumas and all the emotional baggage over and over but it’s apart of me. However I dont have to let it get the best of me, I have a voice and a say. It is my goal to use it. I guess I am well I was just tired of feeling drained and beat up by life yet trying to be this exuberant fun loving and creative person when most of the time I’d rather be alone or I felt unhappy inwardly.

It’s a new year and I am certainly not all together but I am making strides to feel better with no strings attached.Meaning that my happiness is solely from within, it isnt derived from a man, job, relationship, child (I have no kids but you know what I mean), food or anything. Yes. those things can contribute to ones happiness but I’m reaching for that pure organic I’m in love with and happy with ALL of me type feeling. Im glad I made it and rest easy to Bugzy (check out Ep. 15 to hear about that) and look out for me because I’m coming!