LaShara Lashawn

Why do dogs tear up their beds? I’m not sure if anyone has the answer to that. I think Iv bought at least 5 beds for my dog and she’s only 2. Currently shes sleeping on an old fitted sheet because Im over her tearing up every bed I buy for her!! Well now that Iv gotten that off my chest. I think its time we have the talk. Yes you read me correct. The TALK.  The TALK about me being single. If you didn’t know, well let me scream it loud I am single single!

Living Single. Its been about 4 years now and its been an interesting time. I’ve met some gentlemen who showed great promise, I went on my first semi blind date, I met a guy from out-of-state at the post office who turned out to be bat crazy and I tried to make it work with an ex. All were interesting experiences to say the least but they all made me wonder, was it me?? Of course not it wasnt me, I’m amazingly perfect with no hair out of its place. I am practically God’s gift. Now as outlandish as that sounded some of these guys got it in their heads that I some how could think of myself in such an unrealistic high regard. Come on now really?

I have come to learn that many of these guys had already judged me from the moment I met them, even the blind date guy. Turns out we were just not a match at all! He liked a thicker type of woman but dang did he have a nice voice over the phone. Anyway it kind  of hurt my little feelings to know that I never really had a chance. Even with people I know, at least I thought I knew. I’m constantly debunking myths about myself to other people instead of letting them get to know me, however they aren’t trying to get to know me because they think they already have me all figured out. Talk about up hill battle.

Today I took some time to think this through and figure out how to make sense of my dating experinces and what it means to me. I’m over debunking myths about me. I’m just going to let people think what they want. If someone is interested in me and who I am then they will make the effort. I really like company and being around people yet I have come to appreciate my alone time and even more so my own home. For a while I wasnt really home much I was always working or at someone elses house. With the amount I’m paying for rent I might as well spend as much time here as possible. I’m learning to do that more often. It can get pretty boring at home by myself and honestly that’s when it hits me. I complete a few task and then I find myself just standing around and I think, dang I’m pretty bored, if I only had a bf….. I have a dog which is cool but she doesnt talk back to me and she’s unemployed so she cant take us out for ice cream. Truth be told she has helped me I have noticed that spending time with her by walking her more and longer is pretty fun and theraputic.

My phone. My phone is attached to me for a few reasons.

1. I live alone so if someone needs me or I need something this is my only means of communicating with the outside world.
2.  Social Media. I use my phone to contact and keep up with “whats going on” which may not always be whats most important in the world or even at the time.
3. All my guy interest and friends contacts are in my phone. It’s a way for me to reach out of vice versa.

I’m working on not constantly having it in my hand or constantly checking it. I mean it’s not like people are constantly blowing up my line anyway. Making the decision to sit my phone down or put it on do not disturb has been beneficial, mostly to my sleep. I don’t take it into every room anymore I let it charge without being on it. At one point I would get mad if I checked my phone and I had no text messages, like dang no one loves me today!? I know people love me but I have to learn to love me enough to not care or go out seeking the attention of others all because I’m so used to being around someone.

One thing I noticed is that I’m able to get shit done without the second party! Dont get me wrong I enjoy the company and nothing seems to be more warm than a hug from a boo, but not having to share my world or ask those stupid just getting to know you questions is pretty great. Im enjoying this single life and I don’t plan on it lasting for ever of course  but I’m really in no rush. One goal of mine that I did not list in my previous blog “Got Goals” is that I am working on being a better whole person. I want to make the most of my single time. At a point I was concerned about parenthood and being married which is a genuein concern however if I am not together first I wont be at my best as a mother or a wife.

People tend to categorize me as some sort of “playa” because I’m single with no children and this isnt the case. I have some friends, not many tho. Depending on my schedule I might hang out with one or two during the week. I have a friend who was upset because I was going on too many dates during the week. He insinuated that if I’m going on these dates then I must be sleeping with them. Shocked! I’m like what type of person do you take me for? It is totally possible to go on a date and not give up the cookie. Right?? However in my friends eyes I had to be. There we have it, another person judging me but I understood his perspective, flawed? yes, but I understood. In reality he was jut puttin his own feelings on me. People seem to praise the single woman yet want to set limits on who, when and how she spends her time while shes single. I have a big problem with this framework. I surely dont fit the norm and you probably dont either. So I will enjoy my single life how I see fit.

I am not sure if you have noticed but my biggest cry isnt that there arent any good quality men, they are all incarcerated, too many children by different women, gay, immature or not educated. I know that is the struggle l for many of my sistahs but I really believe that when its time I will meet that perfect man for me and I for him. Not saying that I am not exempt from meeting such men or experiencing what I call dating fatigue but my biggest concern is getting comfortable where I am, being better and getting some things done!