LaShara Lashawn

All girls do is just cry. Chick flick bring on the tears. wedding bring on the tears. Childs graduation, wheres the tissue? PMS, ice cream, chocolate and of course bring on the tears. Everyone that knows me well know I will cry at the drop of a dime.  Over the years I have gotten my water works under control. This week I woke up feeling so down and low. I cant recall the last time I felt so blue.

It took me a while to even put my finger on why I was feeling so down. I was at work and I had to meet with a client and I really didnt want to. I really did not want to talk or be talked to. I wanted to get in my car and just go back home and start over. I explained my confused feelings with my coworkers and the support I got really helped me out. As I began to cry I instantly started to feel better. It was like the sun was coming out after a rainy day.

My co worker offered to give me a hug and suprisingly I accepted (I usually dont like getting close to the peeps at work like that). It really shocked me how my thoughts had really turned my entire day and even the next two days upside down. I felt as if I was worthless, not atteactive  and un loved. For a split second I thought is this what a phsychotic break feels like?

I just felt like nothing. If I could compare it to something it would be like a crumbeled piece of paper being blown down the street. My appetite had gone away and my desire to be present was low. I did not feel like my normal self. I didnt think it was depression I just wast it in the mood. I talked to a few close peope about my emtions and they really helped me see the glass half full then half empty.

I realized that I am amazing and that I am worth far more than rubies. I’m sure days like this will happpen again. It is my hope that if there is a next time I will be able to remember all the positives about myself.