LaShara Lashawn

Iv been absent. In my effort to make a consistent come back to blogging I have fallen off the grid again. I do manage to write in my journal weekly but to sit down a create has been difficult. I found my self questioning various aspects of my life. Also I have been traveling a lot this month as well.

This year so far has been a true time of growth, like unimaginable growth. To be able to actually evaluate myself and who I am and who I have been to others as well as how to be better has blown me away. Im dating how I want to and the right way, well thats my aim because I am currently not dating at all. I have a good blog about a kind gentleman who turned me down. It made me mad but it showed me how effective the process is.

Iv been missing for some months mentally because after a break up Iv heard of people going through a point of having to re find themselves. I cant say I went through that but it was more of a time of questioning the situation. I had to take a step back and just quite my spirit and my mind. I submerged myself in working, my school work to a certain point and my then, up coming vacations. At one point on on of my vacations all I could think of was my ex boyfriend how I wished he was with me and how we could be having so much fun. I had let it put a damper on my spirit for a few hours and then I had to remember things happen for a reason and since I dont know his real reason him being on the trip with me might not have made him happy for all I know. So I took a few deep breaths took a walk and told myself that this is my trip I worked hard for this and I deserve to enjoy this moment.

I did just that. Everyone wants to go on a “Bae- cation” and as nice as those look and sound, Iv learned and experienced that there is nothing like a “me/you-cation” where your by yourself or even with some close friends. All your fondest memories don’t need to be attached to some sweet love affair that may just end next week. Its good to do thing by yourself.

Iv always loved flowers and I took the time out to purchase myself some and not that I have never done so but this time I really did enjoy them. Something as simple as flowers that I found at a grocery store on sale brought so much joy to my life. I took the time to cut them up nicely put them in a vase and watched them just open up and blossom. I realized that Im that flower with thorns to protect and yet beautiful, growing and blossoming. A part of me was missing but I filled it with more self love, wisdom and God. To love me is to put more God in me, because God is love.

Signed the girl who went missing.

eljay