Currently listening to Aaliyah Four page letter… ” Iv always had my eye on this one particular guy..” and Im not going to write a four page letter or anything but bruh is we dating or nah? and this is not a question so much for the guy but to myself. where is the dating book for dummies because the struggle is real, especially right now. 
Some times I wish things were like in the years before where a guy would come to you tell you he liked you and simply asked you if he could take you out on a date, you go on the date ,it goes great, he pays for the date and you share a milk shake. He takes you home in his nice car walks you to the door and then a year later he gets your dads approval and ya get married and go buy a washer and dryer set and take family photos. Now….. I don’t know if any of that really happened like that but if you want to know where I got it from go watch Monalisa Smile and Pleasantville, awesome movies.
Whether it happened or not its pretty straight forward and I like that. I like order and a plan, things that are a mess and unorganized gets my anxiety up and me in my feelings. We cant have that because it wouldn’t be good for neither party. So in my opinion which thats all this is, is MY opinion, I think there are some guide lines in the dating world and Im trying to figure out where I fit. I’m currently single but the time has come where Iv been invited out by guys and Im now starting to say yes and not fake. I think I am emotionally ready to mingle a little bit but what about when mingling turns into just hanging out with the same individual frequently? At what point does it turn into dating?
Im sure some conversation has to happen but Iv been in situations and Iv went out a couple of time with a guy and then the moment I dont answer the phone its a problem.. like dude!!! when did I sign a contract? It was like after 3 dates, I cant even call them dates unbeknownst to me I was in a relationship already. I feel that if your going to date someone then there must me a mutual agreement on the decision, but then there are people who believe that you can date multiple people at once. I dont know how that works, I think people are using the term wrong.
I looked it up on wikipedia ( Wikipedia is like that favorite cousin you love but they steal, its like you trust them but you gotta check ya stuff when they leave your house) according to wikipedia:
Dating is a stage of the human mating process whereby two people meet socially, possibly as friends or possibly with the aim of each assessing the other’s suitability as a partner in an intimate relationship or marriage. It can be a form of courtship consisting of social activities done by the couple…..the most common sense is two people trying out a relationship and exploring whether they are compatible by going out together in public as a couple, that is, they are undergoing a trial period to assess mutual compatibility….a couple who have already decided that they like each other, and are seeing each other on a regular basis, and who may or may not be having sexual relations. This period of courtship is sometimes seen as a precursor to engagement or marriage.
Now from reading that definition that could have been written by my neighbors cat Mr. Wiggles, I think wiki got it right this time lol. Now during this period is when things can go left. I think people rush through this time, and I say this because I have done it, Iv let it be done and I have seen it happen time and time again. What people tend to do is like each one another but not in the right way. They like that shes got a nice body or that he dresses nice or that she has a good job or that he is popular or that she has a pretty face and not that none of that is important but people are visual so if it looks good, smells good ,sounds good we may think that its good for us and thats not always the case.
According to the definition this is the time to determine compatibility and I think we get so caught up in the shallow things of beauty and materials that we omit to have those real conversations about goals, ambitions, religion, children, family, fears and struggles. Im not saying have a come to Jesus moment on date number one but over time. Then the thing that gets it all mixed up is when sex gets involved because all the endorphins that get released during that process can make every thing not look so bad. We get into relationships too soon and think thats when we are supposed to figure out if this is the person we are ment to be with. Dating is a good time to think and to see and to learn, a time to ask is this a person I can see myself with long term? Dont just get into a relationship just because. Iv noticed that someone people get into relationships so that having sex with the person is okay and they arent called a hoe and also thats how people seal their relationships is by having sex theres no real commitment but the fact they had sex makes it legit to them.. but thats for another blog.
So back to my original question about dating more than one person at once… I think thats not how it works because dating seems like a more exclusive step because its like your more focused on this particular person to see if it can be something more serious. So nah we aint dating!!!! we are just two people who like each other and enjoy each others company. Iv learned that just because you like someone at it seems that they like you too, you cant expect them to demonstrate their feelings in the same manner you do. So its important to just relax and take it one day at a time. Set your rules on what you expect and what your looking for, enjoy yourself be respectful to yourself and the other person. It might not work out but you don’t want to have messed up a good friendship just because it didn’t make it to the next level. So until I feel that Im ready to make that step and have that more exclusive relationship then we are not dating and I’ll use Mr. Wiggles definition of dating as a guide.
My recommendations on good hanging out/ dating how to’s..
- Figure out what it is you WANT ..if you dont you might fall for anything, like the other persons agenda which might not have your best interest in mind.
- Be CLEAR!! if you cant make the date call in advance if you dont like something say something.
- Plan outtings that stimulate conversation
- Try something new
- Avoid conversations that you know you aren,t ready for. If you don’t plan on having sex don’t talk about it as if you are.
- Let the other person choose what you do for the date some time
- Ladies offer to pay and never go on a date without any money
- Determine how late is too late for company
- Dont be afraid to be open
- Smile and have fun
- Do things that require you to work together
-Eljay
LaShara Lashawn 
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