LaShara Lashawn

Lately I have been getting a lot of compliments and they aren’t about how thick I am or my beautiful brown eyes or how fly I am, not that I don’t possess any of those physical features.. but yea the compliments have really been amazing and they simply are about how happy I look. One compliment came from a young 18 year old girl I mentored and I said jokingly ” oh its just Jesus 🙂 ” and even though I said it with a laugh it was really true.

I have changed a lot about myself mentally, emotionally, physically and most importantly spiritually. Im still me but a better version. I wanted to be happy, all I want is to be happy. God gave me this smile and it seems to be brightening up every room I walk into. It takes way to much effort to be angry and sour all the time cause you have to keep rethinking the reason for you to feel like that and then express that mood outwardly so everyone around you can feel it and honestly I just dont have time. They way my body is set up if I’m too stressed my body will spin out of wack and then I’m sick. So why worry and be angry?

I have been reading an awesome book by Joyce Meyers who is an amazing pastor and she talks about the confident woman and its more so about being confident in God which will strengthen your faith and remove fear. Fear is something that troubles many people in their personal relationships and as well as other areas of their life. Fear is the reason some people wont get out of their comfort zone and try something new. Iv had my own battles with fear, I have wanted to move away for years and I just never did. College was going to be my ticket out, but because I let other peoples fears,opinions and probably their own reservations penetrate my goals and dreams I never went. I feared going against what they said because I didnt want to move and experience what they said “might happen” or it not work. So here I am years later wondering what it would be like.

In my personal life I have been oddly fearful of if I would ever meet anyone else who would really like me or even love me. Sounds crazy but after not having complete control over a certain part of my life and giving it to someone else (GOD) is scary. My mentor told me recently that since I have declared a new way of living and even dating men are going to come from all over. She was certainly right and even that is fearful because I have to now be direct and upfront about where I stand, when I can be very passive aggressive. I have had to be even more trusting that everything will work itself out…literally Im on some “Jesus take the wheel” life cause I cant do it on my own.

Knowing that I don’t have to worry and that I will be taken care of because Im loved is amazing and Im happier because I truly know and believe it. I take it one day at a time and I really try to enjoy the moment. Im learning to live beyond my feelings, I have been a very  emotional person all my life and it has backfired on me so many times and Im learning to find a balance. Making more decisions on facts and not making life altering decisions while Im angry is theeeee biggest goal. Cause I would do something all fired up and the next day Im living in regret trying to figure out how to put the pieces back together that I tore apart with my bare hands. It is not a good feeling at all. When you think about it the world would be a better place if we didn’t do things based on feelings.

Im so glad that I am happier, Iv always been pretty happy but I can have moments where I would get into a slump. I would only want to sleep, I wouldn’t be to worried about eating, and I love to get my eat on, I would feel so apathetic about everything and I wouldn’t want to go outside really. I haven’t had a moment like that in a few months and I hope not to for a long time, if ever again because I wouldn’t like myself much then. Those were scary moments cause I wouldn’t even wanna look at myself for to long in the mirror I would have to really pick my sappy spirit up over my shoulders and dig myself out of that, if that makes sense. Whats crazy is that no one would ever know. Now those days are behind me and I’m pressing forward.

I encourage you to make positivity and being happy a everyday goal. Don’t let others effect or control you. Don’t live under the pains and pressures of other peoples expectations. Celebrate you. Find out what you love and enjoy, as the days go by some one will notice the natural glow in you and ask you why are you so happy too.

These are some scriptures that helped me:

2 Tim 1:7 (fear)

Romans 8:28 (everything will work out)

Proverbs 31 (the woman I want to be)

Philippians 3:13 (pressing forward)

eljay