LaShara Lashawn

Iv decided to make some life changes. After experiencing my first real love and heart break Iv decided that I must take on another way of doing things and an overall new way of living. I am a christian I was raised in a Baptist church in one of the most dangerous cities in the bay area. Iv seen a lot and have stories for days. After spending almost every day in church one thing that I some how missed was how to live a happy life as a christian girl in a heavily influential society. When it came to sex it was never really talked about in my house hold, I guess everyone assumed that since the bible said it was a sin that was just that no more questions, end of discussion.

This way of teaching has led many people down a road of confusion and disaster, such as myself. I didnt understand what it ment when two people engaged in such a spiritual and intimate act. I just thought thats what people do when they like each other. It was never explained to me or demonstrated to me what the true reward was to waiting to have sex and how to wait. Forming relationships with guys was always a battle because they guys I dated were kind and sweet but we were never really on the same level so I always felt that by giving myself to them was my way of being submissive or something ..shit! (excuse me) I dont know what I was doing..

As a child I did know that everyone was living the complete opposite and then they would want to come to Jesus after they are to old to drop it low at the club and every man or woman they thought they loved left them or when they just got to old and or both sick. It just seemed like thats how things went. I had sex at an early age, not like 10 or anything I wasn’t that HOT in the pants. After the fact I didn’t really have a real reason as to why I went through with it.. It was probably the boy I was dating, he was older and had been sexually active already, so I was like fresh meat! after my first time I didn’t have sex for a few years. Fast forward to 2016 and Iv had a few partners, been pregnant no kids though, several heart breaks and some day after pills and what do I have now? NOTHING. a bunch of soul ties pain, sorrow and guilt so Im just done!!

I want to be with the man the God sends me. I want to experience life and create relationships without sex. I want to get to know me better and live the life that is destined for me. Iv chosen happiness and I am no longer blaming others for what happens in my life from here on out. I feel  like iv been beyond lazy and not proactive as I could have been in many areas of my life. Im doing okay for my age but I can be doing better. Iv decided to commit to:

1. Being a healthier ME, working out at least 4 days a weak
2. journal daily, so look for more blogs
3. Pray more (learn to meditate)
4. Get to know eljay better

My decision to embark on a life of celibacy is something Iv always desired to do be I felt that if I had a boyfriend it was okay, I guess… stupid, I know. Im trusting that God will give me strength and Iv been doing well so far. They say that its easier when you are single and not dating so I will be enjoying this single time I have. I read The Wait by Megan Good and her husband and it was an awesome book I wish I had that book years ago. In my mid twenties Iv matured and I have learned from my childish mistakes and Im ready to really live and enjoy life the right way, now that of course may be different definition for other people but Iv tried everything and basically THE SHIT AINT WORKING!

I’ll give updates every so often on my journey. Peace and blessings.

eljay.